As the sun sets on my recent romance with Nancy & on my 'African Adventure' in general, I just thought I'd sign off with one final blog giving some of the reasons why things came to an end...
"It's always a struggle to let somebody go,
It's a natural desire to own your lover, I know
And you can screw a man down until he takes to drinking
He'll give you all of his money, but you still don't know what he's thinking..."
'Fantastic Place ~ (Steve Hogarth/Marillion)
Over the past month doubts had started to creep in from both sides. Ultimately, trust issues then arose...and if you start to question trust, especially in a long distance relationship, then you have major problems. I must stress that neither one of us is to blame, nor are any third parties involved...it's just a stark realisation that our long-term future was riddled with unanswerable questions. Even an old, hopeless romantic like me could see that once the passion had aligned itself with the practical logistics of it all, then something had to give or change.
I started researching potential careers & opportunities for myself in Kenya, but what's an old fart like me gonna do for a living in the primitive culture that I will be inhabiting? There ain't no pension offices in Dunga, and I can't really see myself raising goats...can you? I would need substantial funds behind me, which just isn't possible, and even if I could find the money then I couldn't use this for commercial purposes in my own name; this would mean signing everything over to Nancy, and again if there are now trust issues then this obviously wouldn't make any sense. And for me to obtain a residency visa isn't a walk-in-the-park either!
So after considering all of the above, I made the tough decision with a very heavy heart to call quits on our relationship, before either one of us gets seriously hurt. Better for this to happen now than to stumble on looking through rose-tinted glasses imagining walking off into the sunset together hand in hand...life just doesn't work out that way, does it?
I do still feel conflicted to a certain extent over this due to the recent sacrifices that I've made. I gave up my lovely batchelor pad to move into a flat share, in order to start saving for our future. But I guess, things happen for a reason...I'm just not quite sure what it is yet!
Against some people's advice and maybe their better judgement, I have been sending Nancy regular money to pay for her rent & her daughter's after school tuition fees...but this has now stopped & all lines of communication have now been blocked. A final 'dear John' letter is in the post to her, explaining everything in more detail than I've disclosed here for obvious personal reasons, and I just hope that in time she can forgive me, although in essence I haven't actually done anything wrong.
So unfortunately that's the end of my adventure.
My exciting Christmas holiday plans in Kenya won't come to fruition after all, but as one door closes, maybe another door opens up...?
I'd just like to sign off by saying a very big thank you to all of the following wonderful people:
To Mini gg, Elona, and Trace...for their amazing unconditional love & friendship.
To Chappers...for getting the beers in & allowing me to bend his ear for a change!
To Georgia...for putting up sitting next to me & for being my 'Cookie' partner in crime!
And to Jane, Lyndsay & Michelle from work...for their kind words of comfort & ongoing support.
Much love & thanks to you all.
Stay safe & take care,
Steve xx
