A Farewell Blog

Introduction

Welcome to my first blog since December 2015. After my last post entitled, 'Going Off The Grid...', I made the conscious decision to cease writing for a while, as many as the topics discussed related to my Kenyan family, which were obviously very personal, and I wanted a certain amount of privacy as we went about trying to plan our future and coming to terms with impending parenthood. So this blog is really just a quick overview on what's happened since then, and an update on what may occur next year before I sign off for good.

Recap - 2015

Firstly, here is a brief excerpt from my last entry, 'Going Off The Grid...' to set the tone:

 "The sole purpose of this blog is just to let everyone know that I will be "Going Off The Grid" for a while, from next Monday December 21st until Thursday January 21st.
Due to a combination of holiday and paternity leave I will be enjoying a whole wonderful month off work, and also off social media as I 'unplug' myself from the world to visit my gorgeous fiance and be there for the birth of our child. I am so excited at the prospect of impending fatherhood as I thought this amazing experience had passed me by. Being a dad may well have come to me late in life, but I'm going to cherish every precious moment of this amazing, little miracle that we've been fortunate to be gifted with.

2015 has been a very tough year for me, both personally and professionally. Although some of my closest friends have an idea of some of the issues I've had to deal with, I don't think others really appreciate and understand just how much pressure I've been under. If this was entirely self-inflicted then I could have no complaints, but alas this hasn't been the case. I rarely suffer from self-pity, but it's been really hard trying to be so strong for everybody else all of the time, whilst most people around me have been totally oblivious to how I've been feeling, and what I've had to cope with.

I have sacrificed so much over the years, probably far more than most of you know, and it's been a hell of a struggle at times, financially, emotionally and spiritually, but despite these hardships I have continually proved to be a survivor, an optimist, and an old, hopeless romantic..."

2016 - The Year So Far

And here is a brief update on 2016 which happily celebrated an upturn in fortunes:

I celebrated Christmas and the New Year in Kisumu alongside a very heavily pregnant fiance (now official after presenting Nancy with an engagement ring on bended knee), as well as with dear friends and family. We had hoped that Nancy would've given birth by then, as her original due date was Boxing Day...but in the end Jerome David Muskett decided he was finally ready to enter the world on 11th January. Unfortunately, this only granted me eight days with JD, but they were eight unforgettable days. Nancy was amazing and I still can't believe that somebody as ugly as me can help to make someone as adorable as our gorgeous baby boy! So it was a very emotional and tearful farewell when I left towards the end of January, switching from the dust and heat of Kenya to a cold and unwelcoming winter back in the UK. Leaving my loved ones behind gets harder with every visit, but this time it was additionally tough as I wasn't only leaving Nancy and Jojo behind, but our newborn son too. So around March/April after much discussion back and forth, we decided I should try to look to see if it was possible for me to relocate permanently to East Africa. With this is mind I broached the subject with my bosses at work, before deciding that I had little option other than handing in my notice and thus lifting a great weight off my shoulders. Fortunately, my next visit soon came around as I headed back to Kenya in June, in time for Nancy's birthday celebrations, as well as for my first ever Father's Day. We were able to move into our new home, and I was soon settled back into domestic bliss, helping out Nancy with the nappy changing and midnight feeds as best I could. Once again when it came to leaving my family behind after two amazing weeks it was incredibly hard, but the comforting thought I had was that I could now start planning the next chapter of my 'African Adventure'.

Political Landscape

Part of these plans included assessing the varying landscapes of both Kenya and the UK, and trying to anticipate future developments, both politically and with a practical, logistical mindset. 2017 is due to be an interesting year all round. Escaping the UK may be a wise move what with 'Brexit' and all that, but Kenya itself is also due to be quite volatile with national elections in August and political unrest. In fact the fate of both nations is entwined due to the uncertain future of Kenya's free trade agreement with the EU. It is anticipated that tensions will rise in Kenya next year, but it is not all doom and gloom: Kenya's population continues to grow (I had a help with that!), with incomes on the rise and improvements to transport and energy infrastructures taking place, as well as government spending and foreign investment both showing signs of an increase, despite the ongoing transparent and blatant corruption continually taking place.

Seven Year Itch

Professionally speaking too, I felt it was time to move on. Initially, I had intended to possibly semi-retire at the end of next year * (see below), but my plans were brought forward due to unrest, unhappiness and a burning desire to be with my family as soon as feasible. Therefore, I am flying out overnight on Monday 31st October via Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, to rock-up in Nairobi, Kenya on the following day. As always, I'll only be traveling with hand-luggage as all my worldly possessions can fit into one holdall...that's just the way I roll which makes the transition and relocation much easier anyway. I'm going to be spending a minimum of three months with my precious family, enjoying some quality time with JD over Christmas, the New Year and of course his first birthday in January. Thereafter who knows? But I genuinely believe that something will turn up; an opportunity or an opening will present itself and then our future will become clearer. Alternatively if not, then I still get to spend precious time with my family and nobody can ever take that away from us. Worst case scenario I'll return to the UK after three months, find some temporary work and then head back to Kenya at the end of next year, by which time I'd have hoped to have secured a residency permit based on a change in my circumstances. * (see below, again)

* (change of circumstances)
2017 will also mark a personal milestone: I will be celebrating my 50th birthday in October!
This will also trigger a release clause in an old protected at 50 pension fund that I have, so this will give us further options to plan for our future, whether that be in Kenya or maybe even with a view to bringing my family back to the UK? Watch this space... 

"...There's an old man on a warm and sunny island
  No job, no money, just a smile to call his own
  Know what he says? "The past will only haunt you
  Live for today, each day's an open door..."

So, I will definitely be seeing out the end of this year and seeing in the start of the next at home in Kenya...a place that I can now truly call 'home'.
I am so looking forward to being able to feel the sun on my back once again; shoot the breeze and shoot some pool amongst friends; have fun with the kids as we mess around and play games; enjoy a beer with my gorgeous girl as we share a beautiful sunset over Lake Victoria ...it's the simple pleasures in life which mean the most ~ Live the life you love ~ Love the life you live!

Leaving Party

Finally, just to let you all know that there will be a leaving party on Friday 28th October, starting with drinks from midday at the 'Crate & Apple' in Chichester, before moving onto 'The Belle Isle' just down the road sometime around 4pm. All are welcome, and it will be a day full of mixed emotions as I bid my fond farewell. I would just like to sign off by thanking everyone for their continual love and support. There are so many people who have enriched my life over the years; from close friends near and far; to family here and abroad; as well as work colleagues past and present...but to list them all would take forever, and I wouldn't want to embarrass any individuals by singling them out. Needless-to-say you all know who you are!

Thank you all for your support throughout all my blog writing years.
Stay safe, take care & be happy

Steve Muskett - 30/09/2016

Going Off The Grid...

"Lately I can't stand to hear other people talking, 
 So many empty conversations, what a waste of lips. 
 Lately I like to stand on top of the hill, 
 And look down upon the city, a heart pumping the roads,
 We rejoice at being connected, without touching, thank God for the internet.
 We stare at our screens all our lives, what a waste of eyes,
 'Till the electrical storm blows our fuses..."

Welcome to my first blog since April, which was written at that particular time to support some uploaded photos to Facebook following my latest visit to Kenya. 
The sole purpose of this blog is just to let everyone know that I will be "Going Off The Grid" for a while, from next Monday December 21st until Thursday January 21st.
Due to a combination of holiday and paternity leave I will be enjoying a whole wonderful month off work, and also off social media as I 'unplug' myself from the world to visit my gorgeous fiance and be there for the birth of our child. I am so excited at the prospect of impending fatherhood as I thought this amazing experience had passed me by. Being a dad may well have come to me late in life, but I'm going to cherish every precious moment of this amazing, little miracle that we've been fortunate to be gifted with.

Apart from one Christmas spent with my dear friends Ruth & Glenn Courtney in County Laios in Ireland, all my previous 48 Yuletide celebrations have been spent in England. So this year it is going to be especially exciting, as not only will I be swapping a cold British winter for a totally different climate in the dust and heat of Dunga beside Lake Victoria on the equator in Kenya, but more importantly it will also involve spending it with Nancy and her family...and with our little bundle of joy set to make an appearance somewhen around the turn of the New Year.

2015 has been a very tough year for me, both personally and professionally. Although some of my closest friends have an idea of some of the issues I've had to deal with, I don't think others really appreciate and understand just how much pressure I've been under. If this was entirely self-inflicted then I could have no complaints, but alas this hasn't been the case. I rarely suffer from self-pity, but it's been really hard trying to be so strong for everybody else all of the time, whilst most people around me have been totally oblivious to how I've been feeling, and what I've had to cope with.
I have sacrificed so much over the years, probably far more than most of you know, and it's been a hell of a struggle at times, financially, emotionally and spiritually, but despite these hardships I have continually proved to be a survivor, an optimist, and an old, hopeless romantic!

Throughout all these recent trials and tribulations there has remained one constant: Nancy. Never has a day passed when we haven't been in contact. Every morning, afternoon and night we share messages and these help me to get through the day. She has been my rock and my pillar of strength, and for someone so young she is incredibly wise. I sometimes wonder what she sees in me...I'm just so thankful that she does (whatever it is). So despite these struggles, I have the comfort of knowing that this year is going to end on a high.

As we come to the end of yet another year I would just like to thank all my friends, family and blog followers for all their kindness and love for what has truly been an interesting and challenging 2015.
I would especially like to thank my dearest friends Elona, Curph, and Chappers for their unconditional support, as well as thanking all my wonderful work colleagues at Mercer for continually asking after Nancy's well being and taking an interest in our story, and a special thanks also goes to Nicky Jones, who like Elona gave us such beautiful baby gifts. Finally, my eternal thanks goes to my precious girl Nanshu' for bringing me so much happiness and love into my life...Nakupenda Mpenzi!

So as I'll be "Off The Grid" I'd just like to wish everybody an amazing Christmas and a very Happy New Year. Please don't be offended that I won't be sending out any Christmas cards this year ~ it's nothing personal, just a decision I've made due to the fact that I'll be out of the country for the entire festive season...but those closest to me will remain in my thoughts.

Best wishes, stay safe & take care.

Steve Muskett

Kenya Revisited...

Welcome to my first 'An African Adventure' blog for quite some time...and it will probably be the last for a while too! After uploading all my photograph's to Facebook from my holiday in Kenya, I thought an update on here would accompany them nicely.

Unfortunately, my arrival was overshadowed by the horrific incident at Garissa University, and the consequences of this tragedy caused some of our plans to alter slightly. We had hoped to travel to Uganda, but with all the educational facilities being closely monitored with an additional security presence, as well as the onset of the very heavy rainny season, we felt it best to mainly remain in Nancy's home village, and limit our movements to local areas only.

I arrived via British Airways at Nairobi International Airport around 9.15pm local time on April 1st, and unlike last time I breezed through immigration and customs. The problem was my internal flight to Kisumu to be reunited with my love didn't leave until 6.15 am the following morning! Never mind, there were a few coffee bars open so I patiently passed the time until I could check in.
The internal flight with Fly540 was interesting to say the least! No screenings on any departures board, no tannoy announcements...just one final reassuring check with a stewardess that I was actually on the correct plane!
Once I arrived, I was greeted by Nancy at Kisumu Airport, who had been given a lift by her kind brother-in-law Andrew, and our great friend Kerry tagged along for good measure too. I was so buzzing to see her after almost a year that the fact that I hadn't slept for over 24 hours didn't register with me at all...that was to hit me later. We returned to Dunga village, and her parents compound where I saw for the first time our brand new house which has just been built over the previous few weeks. It wasn't completely finished, but it gave us some privacy and I loved our 'love shack'!
After reaquainting myself with Nancy (you know what I mean!), she then proceeded to give me a fashion show with all the clothes I had brought for her. Thankfully, they all fitted well and more importantly to me Nancy appreciated my taste in choosing her clothes.

In the afternoon we jumped on the back of a motorbike and headed into Kisumu with Kerry, where we enjoyed a few beers (Tusker!) and some food. On our way back the rains started so we just brought some provisions for our house warming party, as Nancy had invited loads of her friends around. Despite the weather we all enjoyed a great time, although as I earlier indicated I was totally shattered so I retired early to bed.

Over the next two weeks I caught up with the rest of Nancy's family including her beautiful daughter Jojo, and started to revisit old haunts from my last trip to the area, namely Hippopoint, Dunga Hill Camp, and Redgate. We enjoyed a great night at Hill Camp where I caught up with Nancy's good friend, also called Nancy, and many beers were consumed with much fun and laughter. I also met Nancy's good friend Johnny Anderpants (?) for the first time who is from the US, as well as countless others during my stay...they are all very good and decent people, and I feel extremely priviledged to have been made to feel so welcome.

We also ventured to some new bars which was amazing to experience, as well as meeting new friends. Joe's Bar was a regular nearby waterering hole where I was introduced to Belozzi lager, as well as some milk stout, but the best suprise was a bar in Nanga called Skyweb.
I made the mistake of stating that I was a decent pool player (back in the day!), so my friends were keen for me to try my luck against some local talent (see attached photo).

I was a little rusty at first but I took on allcomers and generally came out on top. This included a match-up against the bar owner Ken as well as numerous other challengers. In fact by the end of the evening I was proving to be quite a celebrity, as photographs were being repeatedly requested, and it was a bit overwhelming at times to be totally honest.

Other new places we visited included The Rooftop, Le Pearl, and Caro's (the latter two both sharing amazing views and sunsets over Lake Victoria).
Towards the end of my stay Nancy's dear friend Samora arrived from Nairobi so we met him in town and went clubbing which was good fun...even if Nancy left me exposed to the clutches of some local girls who wanted a piece of me! I kid you not, but as I said to the three of them...I am a one woman man!
The following morning, Nancy, Samora and I walked to Dunga Beach where they introduced me to a very special local brew which I can't remeber the name of, but what I do recall is that the best way to describe it was fermented porridge which was extremely potent!

As my stay drew to a close the inevitable sadness began to creep in on both sides, but we did have plenty of time to talk and plan for our future together...so watch this space. Nancy's parents gave me some lovely traditional native vases to bring home, which drew compliments when I took them through customs on my way home, and saying goodbye to everyone was very tough. At least I got to meet the new addition to the family in baby Fifi, and I was pleased to see that Nancy's niece Lucille hadn't forgotten me, and it was great to see the pride on her brothers face when he showed me his new business which had just opened.

The journey home wasn't the best, as the internal flight was redirected via Eldoret resulting in my connecting flight being delayed. This meant I arrived back in the UK at 6am on the day I was due to be back at work, so as you can imagine I was very tired and exhausted once I finally arrived at work at midday. So much so that I am still struggling as I write this blog...but never mind, all the trials and tribulations were worth it to spend some precious time with Nancy.
An amazing adventure was experienced once again, and we will be reunited again soon, someday, somehow. Always and forever Nanshu' and nakupenda mpenzi.

Steve Muskett

A Leap Of Faith...

"Finally appreciating the wonders of an iPhone: WhatsAPP & Skype in particular...thanks for reaching out Nanshu'...!"
These were my comments on a recent Facebook post, along with the additional comment,
"...it took a lot of courage & a leap of faith, but hope springs eternal..."

My last 'African Adventure' blog shared the sad news that my romance with Nancy had ended, but as some of you may be aware, this isn't necessarily the case after all.
How has this happened, you may well ask?
Well, as stated above, it took a lot of courage and a leap of faith on her part to reach out to me in the first place. A very close friend of mine who I've been looking out for in recent months, and offering my support to, shares an appropriate phrase with me regarding her own situation which concerns 'growing a set of balls'. I can now testify that Nancy has definitely grown a 'pair', and I will always admire her and respect her for that. She initially sent me a belated birthday wish, and things just escalated from there. With the introduction of modern technology finally into my life, communicating with her is proving so much more rewarding than previously, which certainly helps to give us a chance with conducting a long distance relationship. But we both know that there are problems which lie ahead...

Going back to my last blog, I always felt uncomfortable about not ending things 'face-to-face', as I like to think that I do possess a set of balls big enough and man enough to have done this. I also stated that I felt conflicted whilst acknowledging that as one door closes, maybe another door opens up. It's understandable to remain conflicted as there are so many mixed emotions and unanswered questions surrounding the future, and how we can make it work, as well as my existing life in the UK, both professionally and personally. There are always further complications to face, as my close friend will no doubt testify...but if it's meant to be, then it will work out. If not, then so be it, and at least we tried.

I just wanted to confirm to any doubters out there, that whilst feeling conflicted emotionally, I am still prepared to see where this relationship goes, despite the obvious obstacles which lie ahead.
I remain an optimist, whilst retaining a sense of realism, and I'll always wear my heart on my sleeve as a silly, old, hopeless romantic! Time will tell as it all plays out...we've just got to go with the flow and seize the day! Carpe Diem!

Finally, a big thanks to Nanshu' for breaking the silence; to Elona for always providing me her loving support; to Curph & Chappers for the beers and their advice; for Josie for putting a roof over my head...and to my similarly conflicted friend for all her laughter and tears!

Take care & stay safe.
Steve Muskett

The Sad Goodbye

As the sun sets on my recent romance with Nancy & on my 'African Adventure' in general, I just thought I'd sign off with one final blog giving some of the reasons why things came to an end...

"It's always a struggle to let somebody go,
 It's a natural desire to own your lover, I know
 And you can screw a man down until he takes to drinking
 He'll give you all of his money, but you still don't know what he's thinking..." 

'Fantastic Place ~ (Steve Hogarth/Marillion)

Over the past month doubts had started to creep in from both sides. Ultimately, trust issues then arose...and if you start to question trust, especially in a long distance relationship, then you have major problems. I must stress that neither one of us is to blame, nor are any third parties involved...it's just a stark realisation that our long-term future was riddled with unanswerable questions. Even an old, hopeless romantic like me could see that once the passion had aligned itself with the practical logistics of it all, then something had to give or change.

I started researching potential careers & opportunities for myself in Kenya, but what's an old fart like me gonna do for a living in the primitive culture that I will be inhabiting? There ain't no pension offices in Dunga, and I can't really see myself raising goats...can you? I would need substantial funds behind me, which just isn't possible, and even if I could find the money then I couldn't use this for commercial purposes in my own name; this would mean signing everything over to Nancy, and again if there are now trust issues then this obviously wouldn't make any sense. And for me to obtain a residency visa isn't a walk-in-the-park either!
So after considering all of the above, I made the tough decision with a very heavy heart to call quits on our relationship, before either one of us gets seriously hurt. Better for this to happen now than to stumble on looking through rose-tinted glasses imagining walking off into the sunset together hand in hand...life just doesn't work out that way, does it?

I do still feel conflicted to a certain extent over this due to the recent sacrifices that I've made. I gave up my lovely batchelor pad to move into a flat share, in order to start saving for our future. But I guess, things happen for a reason...I'm just not quite sure what it is yet!
Against some people's advice and maybe their better judgement, I have been sending Nancy regular money to pay for her rent & her daughter's after school tuition fees...but this has now stopped & all lines of communication have now been blocked. A final 'dear John' letter is in the post to her, explaining everything in more detail than I've disclosed here for obvious personal reasons, and I just hope that in time she can forgive me, although in essence I haven't actually done anything wrong.

So unfortunately that's the end of my adventure.
My exciting Christmas holiday plans in Kenya won't come to fruition after all, but as one door closes, maybe another door opens up...?


I'd just like to sign off by saying a very big thank you to all of the following wonderful people:

To Mini gg, Elona, and Trace...for their amazing unconditional love & friendship.
To Chappers...for getting the beers in & allowing me to bend his ear for a change!
To Georgia...for putting up sitting next to me & for being my 'Cookie' partner in crime!
And to Jane, Lyndsay & Michelle from work...for their kind words of comfort & ongoing support.

Much love & thanks to you all.

Stay safe & take care,
Steve xx

A Spiritual Journey To Find A Home...Epilogue & Postscript

I first starting writing blogs over three years ago with my series entitled, 'A Spiritual Journey To Find A Home'. Quite a few different series then came and went, culminating in this latest installment of 'An African Adventure..'
'ASJTFAH' ended with my final blog 'Enlightenment' which was written in March 2011 (please see link attached below), where I appeared to accept that my journey would be an ongoing experience.
 

http://aspiritualjourneytofindahome.blogspot.co.uk/2011/03/enlightenment.html

However, my latest 'African Adventure' series of blogs have brought my search for my spiritual home ever closer. In order to tie-up the original theme, I thought it would be a good idea to add two further 'chapters' to my original journey:
Epilogue (to 'A Spiritual Journey To Find A Home'), and...
Postscript To The Epilogue.

Basically, the epilogue briefly covers the three years between March 2011 and March 2014, and the postscript deals with my Kenyan trip in April 2014 and the beckoning future...

Please read on & enjoy...

Epilogue

"He's seen too much of life. and there's no going back...
 But there's a fighter in his heart and his body's tough
 The years have been unkind but kind enough..."

Since my final 'ASJTFAH' blog in March 2011, much time has passed, and many things have evolved. The stability that the IVA approval brought me, made it possible to start to plan ahead a little, as well as make some changes to my life.

But not everything was positive…

March 2011 was a tough month as a very close friend tragically informed me that she had developed terminal throat cancer, and subsequently broke off our friendship. She couldn’t bear to allow me to see her fading away, so rather reluctantly, I respected her wishes, and I later found out that had she gently passed away in the comfort of her family, to finally be at peace. I felt totally helpless so I decided to organise a charity event to raise funds and awareness, so in April 2012 myself and three colleagues from work embarked on walking the entire length of The South Downs Way in aid of Cancer Research UK, and we raised more than £3,500 – a feat of which I hope she would have been proud.

In August of that year I also achieved another significant milestone…I was finally able to move into my own apartment once again. I badly needed my own space after sharing homes with others since my flat in Cheltenham, which I vacated at the end of 2008, so finding an amazing batchelor pad in the quiet area of Summersdale, was just what the doctor ordered!

The other major development occurred in 2013, when my sustained performance on a big project at work brought me substantial rewards…and I made plans to go travelling once again, but this time my intended location was Kenya in East Africa! This was entirely due to a chance meeting on-line with the lovely Nancy Tubah…we started out as friends but our relationship quickly escalated into a full-blown romance, and all that was left was for one of us to make the move! Once the aforementioned rewards were confirmed, it was a case of booking my flight to Nairobi as I was once again in search of my spiritual home. At the time of writing this, it is March 2014 and I am eagerly awaiting my ‘African Adventure…’

Postscript to the Epilogue

 

It is now one month further on (April 2014) and I have just returned from an amazing trip to Kenya. Everything that I hoped for came true, and not only did I finally find my spiritual home, but I also found the true love of a special woman who I wish to spend the rest of my life with.

As I’ve stated previously, ‘home is where the heart is’, and I can honestly say that this is true. I feel so blessed that such a wonderful girl has entered my life, and this whole African adventure has completed my journey.

What needs to be decided now is how to proceed to make our lives complete, as we are currently living over 4,200 miles apart. I will definitely be returning this Christmas, and will remain in Dunga, alongside Lake Victoria with Nancy and her beautiful daughter Jojo to partake in the New Year celebrations too. Then I think 2015 will be taken up with planning for our permanent future together, as once March 2016 arrives, this signals the completion of my five year IVA commitments…and I will be debt free once again!

To enable me to make all of this possible, I have also given up my luxury batchelor pad in Summersdale, and I will be shortly moving back into the flat share I previously resided in with Josie & Glen. This small sacrifice is worth it, as it allows me the opportunity to save for our future, as well as giving me a better quality of life in the coming months (once I confirm the funds are in place to book my Christmas flight to Kenya!). Although I feel my journey has reached its end, I know that there is still much more to come…but at least I have the comforting thought of knowing where I truly belong, and I feel so happy to have finally found some peace within myself. This is all because of Nancy, so like I say…’home is truly where the heart is…’

Asante Nanshu’!

If anyone is interested, there is a pdf version of all of my 'Spiritual Journey' blogs edited into one defining document, including the epilogue & postcript which nicely concludes my story. Please contact me via the e-mail address below and I will gladly forward it on:

stevemuskett@yahoo.com 

Until next time (whenever that may be?), stay safe & take care.

Steve Muskett ~ April 2014